


Uninformed but Enthusiastic

by orphan_account



Category: Sam & Max
Genre: M/M, Relationship Discussions, Sex Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 11:45:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20275372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Max has firmly decided that sex sounds like fun. Sam has to explain that it's really not such a straightforward thing and that they have to talk this sort of thing through.





	Uninformed but Enthusiastic

**Author's Note:**

> 69 th work

"So, I've been thinkin'-"

"A dangerous pastime, to be sure" Sam interrupted, grinning as he made his way to the fridge. "Is it your first time doing it?"

Max's answering pout was enough to make the older of the two feel a little guilty. "Saaam! I'm trying to talk about something important here!"

"Oh alright, I'll listen" the cop fell back onto the sofa. "Shoot"

Max whipped out his gun.

"Not literally, bonehead! I meant go ahead and say what you wanted to say!"

The lagomorph put his gun away, and his partner was surprised to see a contemplative look on his face.

"Sam..." the shorter of the pair started slowly, and the dog tensed at the way his partner drew out the 'a' in his name. "Spit it out, bud"

"Have you ever... Yanno... Had sex before?" Max finally asked, something odd in the tenor his voice. The inflection felt stilted and anticipatory.

Despite not having a drink on hand to do an appropriate spit take, Sam was still chagrined to find himself choking on air. He caught himself, thumping his chest, wide eyed. "Woah there, what's brought this on?!"

"I was just thinking!" Max complained. "You haven't answered! Although your reaction was still really funny"

"Pal, i don't really think i want to talk about that kinda stuff with you. Or anyone" Sam replied, eyeing his friend. "Besides, you've been practically glued to my side since we were 5, shouldn't you be able to guess?"

"Is that a no, then?" Max blinked.

"A no to what?"

"A no to if you've had sex, duh!"

Sam ran a hand down his face, dark brown eyes wide with exasperation. "Alright, if you're really so curious, then _no_, i haven't ever had sex before"

Max didn't look even a little surprised, rubbing his chin. Sam couldn't help but notice how he seemed more flushed than usual, but shook off the observation.

"I haven't either" Max replied, and even with the note of finality Sam knew his friend wasn't done, and yelped when said friend jumped atop him, straddling him quite precariously. His hands automatically flew up to grasp him by the waist to steady him, and it felt as if the world had stopped.

Max was staring down at him with an expression he hadn't ever seen on him before.

"Have you ever _wanted_ to have sex?" the lagomorph atop him said quietly, and even though he was clearly trying to radiate confidence Sam could feel the minute shaking of his body.

"I-i mean-" he managed, eyes wide, mouth open as he staggered his way to a reply. "I suppose so, hasn't everyone? Max, why are you-?"

"I want to have sex. With you. Probably. Definitely. Yeah." Max rushed through, hands tightening on Sam's shoulders. 

The dog felt his brain short circuit.

Max's nerves got the best of him, and his face turned almost entirely red. "W-well, y'know, it seemed like a fun thing to do, since neither of us have before! Or something! It's not a big deal, it doesn't have to be a big deal!"

Sam frowned at him then, and his hands loosened slightly from their grip around his midriff. "If that's the reason why, then no."

Max's jaw dropped. "What?!"

"Look bud, I'm not a no-strings-attached kinda guy, you know that, and leaping from friendship to that sort of explosively passionate but short lived kind of thing is very sudden!" Sam explained, foot tapping against the floor in agitation. "And i don't want you to conflate sex as just another fun activity like beating up insolent perps and playing fizzball; because there's a lot more to it than that!"

"Oh yeah?" Max glared petulantly, crossing his arms. "Like what?"

"Informed consent. The effect sex can have on relationships and how people see each other" Sam explained slowly. "I get the feeling you know next to nothing about how it all actually works"

"I do!" Max protested, embarrassed. "I know all about that stuff!"

"Really? Name one thing you know"

There was a pause.

"You stick your dick in their ass"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Exactly. I'd feel like i was taking advantage if i accepted an invitation to something you knew nothing about, little buddy!"

Max sighed, and slid off of his lap. "Whatever"

"Hey, look, we should discuss this more later" Sam said calmly, eyes softening. "This is all just a bit too quick for even me"

"Hope you're not that quick in bed then" Max grumbled as he walked out, and it took the dog a second to get the innuendo. He snorted.

"You crack me up, little buddy"


End file.
